Let pain find its way...

Secret place.

2011-12-25T11:59:00.000-08:00

Thumbprint of the moon, as my seniors called it or secret place as I named it, this place has been important for many of us. It has been one of those places where I sulked alone in apathy, sit down and pondered over shit or had a nice time with my friends while enjoying the breeze and the nature around me.

I never thought once before introducing some one to this place. No one ever got disappointed. The place shaped us and made us the people we are today be it good or bad, does not really matter. It was a perfect escape from reality and the feeling you get when leaving the place is somewhat similar to the feeling when you ask for the cheque, exit the bar and you're like FUCK I'M BACK TO THE REAL WORLD, when you see every one busy with their lives, you see so many people around you that you don't know and don't really give a shit about. Time stood still at this very place when you were there.

The occasional cop investigation and questioning was a buzzkill,"What are you doing here?" "Do your parents know you're here?" "You are not allowed here, there have been murders here" but what can we do? We do live in a free world.

I still remember cycling randomly 5 years ago when this very place caught my eye. It like that point in life for me when the dark side comes knocking at my door with a very tempting offer, and I took it. I do not regret it.

The place might look beautiful and all but it does have a dark side. It is pretty and dark actually. It relieves you from your pretentious lives. That might sound like a good thing for many but whats more gay than the pretentious life one does live.

I might sound ambivalent here right now but this is what is the actual beauty of the place. The mixed emotions. This place is a perfect battle field for the two sides of the force.

The Smile That Killed Me.

2011-12-05T03:44:00.001-08:00

The smile that killed me,
Died a thousand deaths.
The smile that kills me,
Cries in silence.
The smile acts as a mask;
To a list of incidents,
That made her frown.
It hides her tears
and helps me overcome my fears.
The smile that kills me,
Cries in silence.
I wanted to make her laugh
But that made her cry.
The smile that killed me,
Lived a thousand lives.
Dying each night inside,
Resurrected the morning next.
The smile that killed me never lies;
Tells a story of tears with joy.

I Drink!

2011-12-05T03:41:00.001-08:00

I drink; I remember
I remember; I drink
I drink; I forget
I forget, I pretend
I reminisce the past
Dread the present
and romanticize about the future
Hope keeps burning,
I try to call, the fire brigade
But the fire is out of control.
I drink; I remember
I remember; I drink
I drink; I forget
I forget, I pretend
But hope keeps burning.

Being happy?

2011-11-09T11:03:00.001-08:00

Just like the proud owner and creator of Being Human, the title to this post is as lame as it could get. But people still like it, well him in this case, Salman Khan. Even though all of his movies recently have been more or less retarded, and that's the effect they are having on the young minds of the country, making them more retarded. Making them think that some bulky bad boy act is going to let them lock the deal with the queen of their dreams whom they would not even actually respect but in most cases just want to wear like an ornament to show off to their friends. Well Similar is the case with the heading to the blog real lame, but people might still like it, since it brings out a philosophical side of life.

As much as I would like to believe in happy endings and one actually truly being happy, that does not exist. It is just a figment of our imagination, it is the way we perceive things. We can never actually know that if we are happy or not because, we usually never know that the reason that is keeping us happy might just be a placebo.

One might be happy, he or she might be on the 9th cloud, he or she might be really happy together but one never knows weather or not the other person keeping that smile on your face is dying or not inside, and as much as you would want to let them go to be free and be happy, this part of you cannot let go because they just made you too happy. You shall out of your own fucking selfish reasons go out there be a total douche and asshole and try to be happy, the reason why I say try and not be is because one can only try, try to find another placebo.

I feel that happiness is a myth and cannot be real since it is a placebo generated by someone or something, but as you would know if a placebo can work out to heal the sick so can it make one think he or she are happy. It's all in the head. It's all comforted by the placebo. Which is what brings me to the age old conflict of people asking smokers and drinkers to stop. All these things also act like a placebo, they make us happy, they make things more pretty, may be just for a little while, which is why they are discriminated against. People don't like placebo's that can kill you and neither do they like a placebo when they know it is one and that its going to pass away. But non the less they are also a placebo just like the thing which truly makes you happy.

I would not like to imply that I am right and you are wrong, may be I am, may be I a not. Could be a terrible tragedy. Imagine a person living his life with a set of rules which he thinks are right and should be followed by everyone. Imagine having so much faith in those beliefs that, you do think that every one else is an idiot who cannot understand your way of life and that the one's who do are saved. Imagine one day just realizing that all of what you thought was totally wrong. That would kind of suck now wouldn't it?

But none the less pain is an illusion, happiness is a placebo, life is a ride.

"The World is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it's real, because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round, and it has thrills and chills and is very brightly colored, and it's very loud. And it's fun, for a while.Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they've begun to question, 'Is this real, or is this just a ride?', and other people have remembered, and they've come back to us and they say 'Hey, don't worry. Don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride.' and we KILL THOSE PEOPLE."

-Bill Hicks

Great Indian fat stupid family.

2011-11-05T08:25:00.000-07:00

Hmm first of all writing here after such a long long time somehow feels weird, so any ways umm fuck you. Second I would love to mention about my experience with this encounter of mine with a family from Surat, on the train in which I was travelling back to Bombay. The family Consisted of 4 people the husband, wife and 2 kids. One girl, the elder one and one boy the small one. The girl seemed around 5 years old and the boy around a year and a half. The boy I remember because the fat wife did mention it, even though no one else in the train was interested to heard about his irritating little brat of a kid.

Even I did not mind her bragging about how awesome his brat was since well, mothers do tend to do that no matter how lame their kid it. What really pissed me off was that there were 4 of these guys and they only had one fucking seat reserved. Such a great fucking inconvenience they were to every one else. The best part being they had occupied this other seat right next to them that is the mom and both kids were sharing 2 seats and the husband god knows was where. So at the Ambala station the guy who's seat it was came on board, the fat lady asked her "seat no. 34?" this is the seat on which she was sitting. To this the guy replies "Yeah" and she just ignores him and he sat on another seat, sharing the seat with another guy.

And as if all this fucking adjusting was not enough her fucking kids just kept on crying almost throughout the entire journey. Worst part being was that the kids were not scared of any of the parents. Usually the kid is supposed to fear at least one parent which brings in balance of mischief and good behavior. But no we are going to pamper the little son of a bitch since he is a boy and on top of that he is fair and ignore the girl child. At so many instances I noticed the parents giving more attention to the boy and ignoring the girl.

Ignoring the girl also seems to make her somewhat of an attention craver. Well at least she seemed like one to me, and the boy kid was just pampered the fuck out. He would cry and cry and cry if he did not get anything and keep on crying. On top of that none of the parents are able to make him quiet.

Worst part I noticed that the fat wife herself was mentally a kid, at least I thought so by the way she was talking to her kids. On an argument with her daughter she told her "Keep quiet or ill choke you" or as she originally said it in hindi being "chup kar ja varna gala ghot dongi mai."

I know being a kid mentally is all cool and shit, I mean its cool but one needs to know where to draw the line and especially with kids man. You are their environment and they do what they see. The boy was barely one and a half years old he did not know his mom, dad's or sister's name but he did know in what situations to reply back to them saying "KUTTA" in order to convey that he was pissed of at them and things were not going his way.

But all in all even though I was very happy when they got off at Surat and the journey from Surat till Bombay was peaceful, I was more happy about some other people I met on the train on of them being a member of SJOBA and one who was a journalist and worked with the economic times. Nice guys they were.

What may be?

2011-05-22T16:03:00.000-07:00

Its around 4 30 in the morning and I cant sleep, I have my result in a few hours. My class 12 board result. I am scared the fuck out. The next few years of my life and getting out from chandigarh all depends on my result. I dont even remember how my exams went and all these weird feelings are killing me. I would have had wrote this somewhere else but I dont have a pen. All I want is to get in a college out of chandigarh a decent one so that I can get out of here and well at least here in india I cant be like I dont give a fuck.

I am all tensed up thinking what will happen. While others were dreaming of DU and studying attending tuitions I was busy bunking, wasting time, smoking and all. I dont regret any of that it was all in good fun but if I dont make it I would regret not putting in the required effort during the exams.

My mom just woke up to open the doors in the next room and I had to pretend that I was sleeping I am sick and tired of all this also here. I need to get away. I cant get stuck here in dav 10 or something.

I dont want to be a disappointment I dont want to go all I fucked up my boards and all I dont want to drop a year. I dont know anything. I just realized I use soo many donts in my blogs. This is weird. Hope for the best I do save me?

Stupid Math!

2011-03-21T12:27:00.001-07:00

I remember my first blog post to be about math, and well I am here yet again cribbing about math like after almost a year and a half. I have my board exam for math in a few hours and I am pretty sure I'm going to fail.

But It's weird how every one else keeps on telling me that I will do well. I know I will fail unless I cheat. That is also If I cheat a lot.

Initially yesterday evening I was freaking out, but somehow now I don't seem to care. But yea I do hope I pass. I still don't see any point to math, well yea we all should have basic math till class 10th but after that every one who wants to go for commerce or arts or med should not have math.

I only took math because of the 4% advantage my seniors told me about. It's a weird education system I tell you. I think only students who want to be engineers or may be a physicist should have math.

Moreover there should be no discrimination amongst students who have math and who don't. We all know math is not every one's cup of tea some one else may be good at computers.

Another thing I do not understand Is that why don't colleges add computers or physical education in the top 4, they are subjects too some one worked really hard and may be got a 97 so why let that go to waste. I know It's easier in comparison to math but then either decrease the level of math or increase the level of the other subjects that you don't want to count.

It is possible now that there is some one who sucks at math but Is a genius at computer programing or loves sports and knows all rules and everything and even comes first in races and all. Why let all that go to waste. For physical you need to work all year long also keep your stamina, physical fitness etc, kind of similar for computers you need to learn soo many codes need to know what command does what and well computer students actually create something while learning while math students are busy finding "X" which wont get them far as for now, while the computer application If amazing can also be sold.

Moreover all final work is done on computers especially for commerce students, well most of it so computers should be preferred and physical education students well would have more stamina to do more work may be. I do not have that much an idea for physical education since I have computers myself.

I just hope I get into a good college in Mumbai, nothing else I want.

In the someday, what's that sound?

2011-03-17T05:33:00.000-07:00

Everything thing seems so slow, as if it were a movie and the camera man had reduced the frames per second. I have no clue the fuck is going around. Class 12th is almost over, feels as if almost all of these 17 years went away within a blink of an eye and now everything is going on in slow motion. Everything seems so confusing, I have no idea what the fuck I want to do in life. The time has come and i'm still confused, all my life I have been thinking that i'll think about this later, later, later, kept on postponing shit. Now the time has come and I am freaking the fuck out.

It's been 17 years here in Chandigarh and somehow for some reason I hate Chandigarh, it's a good city but I don't like whatever goes on around here. Money minded selfish fucks filled all around. Chandigarh is a simple place unlike Mumbai or Delhi everything is easy to analyse and criticize, other metropolitan cities are soo huge with soo many people there and such huge diversities. May be that is why every one likes Delhi, Mumbai better. Every one is able to identify themselves with a large no. of similar identical stupid fucks.

May be that is why I want to go to Mumbai because I can identify myself with the rock scene there and not the stupid "Punjabi taur hai saadi scene here" I have no clue what I want to do from here I know where I want to go which would be Mumbai but I don't see myself there at least right now after another 4 months in some college.

My biggest fear right now would be to remain stuck here for college in SD or Dav 10 and I still don't know the fuck I want to do. I really need to think what I want to do where I want to reach and how do I intend to get there.

I don't know why but Delhi at least has always fascinated me and even Mumbai too but right now i'm more towards Mumbai. It some hoe liberates these ideas about creativity and a non monotonous life there. With freedom may be that is one of the main reason why I want to flee from here. Some how I think 17 years have been more than enough for me with my parents telling me what to do and how. Even though I never heard them but they even said no to a lot of things I really wanted to do and there were also a lot of things I still did even though they are wrong, may be sometimes even right but are not approved by my parents.

Being independent more of like a free bird away from every one imposing their shit on me is where I would like to be far away where everything makes sense to me far away where I like it far away to a place which makes me happy.

Now since Mumbai and the hills both make me happy, the life into the wild would still have to wait since I do need a college back up. Being a hitchhiker would be fun but its not something I would want to do forever.

Everything seemed so simple until a year ago. I want that back and yet want to leave Chandigarh for a good college in Mumbai soo badly.

It's all soo confusing. I hope everything falls in place.

Chapter 1

2011-01-08T09:20:00.000-08:00

I live in a city called Chandigarh. I don't like it that much since it has mostly weird people who want to mold you according to how you would earn more and live a sad life and take out all frustration of your life on your children by trying to make them even more perfect in the case of earning more and more. Money is everything my mom tells me. She could be right and may be even is but what about being happy. They want you to be perfect in every aspect of life. From studies to manners well not sports or music since that won't get you far in life.

You are made to believe that if you get good marks get into a good college and earn good you are respected in society. For some one like me I do not want to do anything with society. Well I do like to hang out with some friends watch a movie, order pizza, go for a rock show but why the fuck should I care what my relatives or neighbors think if I am doing something I wont get much money from.

I do not know any about what I want to do in life or where am I heading. Though doing something by which the though process of every one changes in a good way would be nice. But I have no idea how to get there. I am just a school going kid trying fighue out what is happening around me and what am I doing.

I gave my class 10 board a while back. I got the result a month back. I took admission in a new school for my 11th and 12th a week back, and I had my first day there today. Did not like it as much, did not make any new friends. The school was comparatively smaller than my previous one. Like really really small. The teachers seemed nice for now. Being in a co-ed now was a little different, Being from an all boys school you need to kind of more polite, think before you speak anything stupid and not act like an idiot.

Already being shy and polite I did not think much about that but the time when you are full of rage and just want to break something or someone in pieces and then burn them worried me. Day one was pretty uneventful. I did have some friends from my previous school here so it was not that weird. All periods pass by before the break, break time passes by, the last two periods pass by and while going to the buses something, well actually some one catches my attention.

A girl dressed in casuals. Walking out of the arts section also going towards the buses. Some new student from I just met today ask me if I knew her. I did not. She just kind of seemed perfect in all ways, well at least physically she had not opened her mouth as for now. Well i did not know her why would she talk to me. Were all moving towards the buses and she hops in one. I ask one of the conductors that which one was mine. He pointed out the one in which she just went into.

I thought it was my lucky day but well I did not speak to her. She got off in 18 and I in 19. I come back home waste time watch a movie listen to some music waste some more time and was up almost all night picturing weird situations in my mind with that girl which would never happen. I think I like her, but I had never talked to her. So I didn't know.

blogging...

2010-11-29T12:12:00.000-08:00

I have been blogging since long have quite some posts, but i don't understand the point of any of it its more like a journal to me day to day happenings bla bla. Its about me and things happening or effecting me but people do not want me to include them in it. They do not want their names in it or anything related to them. I had once written some thing bad about this girl and some one read it (oh wait does any one even open this blog because if you do i don't want you to till I am dead at least) and showed it to her. She kept calling me asking me to delete it. I deleted the names but she still kept calling me and asking to delete the whole thing which i did not want to so she started to make her boy friend call me he even landed at my place 2-3 days ago but since he was talking quite politely i said i have deleted it came back upstairs and changed my blog URL.

Why do you want me to delete it its my thoughts and now it did not even have your name so technically it should have had been my intellectual property. But no.

Any ways so i changed the blog url and told em that i deleted the entire blog only. I just did not want to delete that one post. I have been posting her for quite some time now and it is a way for me to let out what i feel. I love this blog but i do hate people reading it well at least right now i wont mind any one reading it after i am dead though.

I feel this blog to be a virtual form of me define me, what i am, what i like, what i dont, what i do, what happened with me, what i would like to do bla bla...

I feel this space to be mine something i can come back to after another some 10 years or so and see what i was like, compare to what i became. As far as deleting a post goes i would still edit it and delete the names but i would never delete a post unless its not finished and has not even been posted. It's something that happened to me something i would like to read or remember later on or something i would like every one to read once i am dead. Think about it, waste time, see what it would have had been like to be me.

PS - I hate that girl to making me change the blog url she is from the post sluts earlier this April which i renamed to hmph.. first thinking if i changed the name of the post the link would change but it did not. And yea i guess she wanted me to delete it since she knew she was wrong and not many people like to be pointed out in front of every one.

Aneurysm

2010-11-19T10:37:00.000-08:00

As pointed out to me i have not written anything here since long and i don't want to its a little boring now plus nothing as such awesome happened. Some kids and i organised a rock show at school, I tried jamming, making a band we were more like noise.

Oh and i suck at vocals. I have started to unlike my friends dhruv the bassist for the jams since he has been getting too irritating. I called off the band since we were mostly no good for the time being the name of the band which i thought was still decent.

Any ways today is pecfest and its gonna be awesome i guess. I had been waiting to see thermal and a quarter live since long.

Speaking of live my mom allowed me to go to GIR but my dad denied. So i might or might not go. I want to go though go badly. It's one of the biggest festivals in India.

I am thinking of writing a book. There is nothing as such left to write here life is the same old routine and boring with its ups and downs. If i write a book i am thinking of calling it teenage smoke.

Suspended

2010-10-07T12:28:00.000-07:00

This is regarding the recent event at school and suspension of some of my friends for 3 months from school for putting up a picture of a math test which has zero marks writing saali kutti on facebook. I was thinking of writing a letter to the editor some thing they have been teaching us at school for years to complain against some thing you dont like so i thought ill give it a try.

To The Editor

This is regarding the recent events at Vivek high school, Chandigarh. Everything that has been shown to every one about the Facebook picture issues has mostly been from the teacher’s and school's point of view. I would like to pin point the student’s point of view regarding this issue. I would say that what ever the school authorities have said about the situation is also right till a certain extent that it is wrong to put up something offensive about a teacher on a social networking website, But I also feel that there is right to freedom of expression to each individual moreover it is something that has happened outside the school premises thus school has no right to interfere or to issue suspension letters.

I would also like to point out that the teacher here against whom the picture was put up is hated by every student of the class. Mostly reasons for hatred include negative motivation, getting mad at students if they do not get something. Summing it all up the students feel reluctant to come to school just because they have to attend an hour of math class with the teacher which is somewhat similar to torture for them. The teacher was same for the section in class 11 also. She is well educated knows everything but the way she teaches is not appreciated she is more of a college level teacher. Many revolts were taken against her in class 11, letters were written to the head of departments and other senior teachers with every students signature on it. The teacher was not changed. Before the start of the New Year the students while still in class 11 pleaded and begged the class teacher and others to get their point across of not having the same teacher for class 12 which was ignored. The teacher remained the same; the way of teaching remained the same. The hate between the students for the teacher increased and came out on a social networking website which I guess is justified.

I read your news paper and it seemed to say that the comments on that picture were nasty, rude or abusive while the picture mostly comments included “LOL”, “Hahaha”, one even said "I got the same marks” and I think that suspension for the students especially with such comments is not even worth suspension for that long, the max that should have had been done was to call their parents or give them a warning. Suspension for 3 months is too much; thinking about the future of the children and that they would not be attending a single class of the second term which is basically half of the syllabus. I think keeping the above points in mind the school authorities should reconsider 3 months. I would say 2 weeks or in an extreme situation if the school still does not want the students back one month is still justified. Moreover the school wants to teach the students a lesson for life is what they say but mostly their actions would cause depression tension and finally lower grades for their boards which would decide their future and the lesson of life which could have had also been learnt in 2 weeks would be wasted.

Epic Fail

2010-09-30T22:32:00.001-07:00

I got my result today i failed in two subjects accounts and eco i failed by half a mark in eco and got just 9 marks in account. I don't know why i failed. I tried hard this time. Well at least before the exams i studied. I used to be up all night studying. I know i did not deserve anything in accounts but i do think i should have had got around 20.

For the rest of the subjects. I think i deserved more. I put in a lot of effort this time. But no matter what i do it always sums up to a failure. I am really disappointed in myself right now, and so is my dad. My mom does not know my accounts marks as yet. But when she does she is gonna kill me.

I see it clearly now wasting all that time roaming here and there enjoying, nothing nothing staring at books pretending to study, fooling parents all adds up to nothing only sums up to this failure i have here before me.

I also know i studied hard during the exams but studying just before the exams is not enough i have always been thinking nevermind ill start studying from tomorrow but now ill have to start with today make corrections become better at all those subjects. After all i want to go for a college in Delhi or Mumbai and now with 3 red lines in my report card ill really have to work hard.

I don't know what would become of me i know i will improve and i want to i want to be more consistent but what i fear the most right now is my parents and their reaction their combined reaction.

Given a choice they might even kill me but since that i am their kid they wont but would make my life a living hell. I hate vivek too. They have done retarded checking seriously they have tried their level best to fail student. Plus who fails a kid by half a mark. If i were passing in eco it would not have had been that big a scene and now since i am failing in two subjects its bad for my report card, moreover all the more reason for my parents to kill me.

I hope they do not react as badly as i think they will.

Stop before you start!

2010-09-28T12:50:00.000-07:00

Recently during exams i had some kind of a pimple on my nose due to excessive coffee in my body. The funny part was that i confused it of being skin cancer. Opprobriously it was just a small pimple but for some reason it was a little similar to a skin cancer related picture on the nose the cancer being at the earliest stage.

I was somehow really scared and pissed. I really dint want all that treatment about which i read online. Plus it made me think a funny story.

I started wondering how pissed would a random guy(smoker) be if he got skin cancer. Skin cancer is not caused due to smoking and he has been smoking and yet nothing because of the smoke but due to some stupid UV light rays and not putting on suncream.

It's really funny to think of a regular guy who smokes having skin cancer. As in because if he had lung, throat or any other smoking related cancer it would still be expected but since he is a smoker and he gets cancer just due to the stupid sun rays he must realllllly be pissed at everything.

Any ways smoking is bad and we all need to stop before we start.

Peace Nigga!

2010-09-26T12:20:00.000-07:00

I have not been writing much here lately i had my exams and for a change i did try hard and study hard to get good grades. I do not know how my result would be i hope for good marks but i know ill get only decent, well except for account at which i suck ill suck.

I used to study all nights and then sleep for some time in the day hang out a little with friends and then study and then study all night again. Coffee was my new addictions 5-8 coffee cups a night and i even tried to help my cousin Kartik with his exams but that was a disaster.

I well did try to chill out after exams are over now but my parents are after my life. Now that i am not studying and have nothing to do they're mad at me. Till the time i was studding hard in from of them they were happy and content and now they are like at least do something.

I had gone for a b'day and then a night stay and obviously we did not sleep. Once i got back home i slept and woke up around 8. As soon i wake up and am in contact with mum she starts toking to me badly taking names and stuff. I mean c'mon till i was having my exams and studying you were sooo nice to me and now since exams are over and i have nothing to do they are back to scratch. They should understand that i have been working soo hard since the last 2 weeks and now all i have is 4 days to chill they gotta let me be in peace at least let me have my 4 days.

Parents are retards
they think they know all
but they don't.

Any ways the party i toked about was mihir's supposedly surprise party about which he already knew and acted to be surprised and shocked. Any ways the party was nice and almost every thing was organised by satvika at her place. It was a nice gesture from her side. We even had a night stay dere at her place. me, mihir, satvika, her sis, her sis's friend(riddhi) and her bf lucky who was not there for the whole night. Mohit too came and went with lucky he too was a friends of satvika.

It was one of the most hilarious and amazing nights ive had. It was funny and scary at the same time.

The theme of the party was 60's which actually turned out to be a better theme than the 70's about which i was cribbing about. At the end of it exams went okay. Party was awesome. Parents are retarded and i hope they get mature someday.

Routine

2010-08-17T09:10:00.000-07:00

Life has been more or less similar and monotonous for me these days. I guess i have been following a routine.

Get up go to school, come back then tuition or bunk(mostly) then hang out with friends waste time then come back home go for a walk or something, come back pretend to study(like i am now) go online watch two and a half men and then sleep.

Everything is almost or mostly same. I got to know today that this world is actually as shitty and crappy as i feel it is. Long story behind it of which i cannot talk about here since u know this is under supervision and some people might get offended. In short some one broke the bro code not me some one i know kissed another bro's girl friends and it was the girl who started it making me think of the world as shitty.

Any ways back to routine this has started to bore me. The same old things everyday. Speaking of routine i really need to put studying somewhere in my list because if i dont get good marks this time i have a bad feeling mum might kill me.

my half yearly's are approaching. I just hope i do know waste the whole year and say OH MY BOARDS START FROM TOMORROW.

I hope i get decent marks to get into a decent college in Mumbai. I love that place i really wanna visit that place again its a wonder land. A real magical place.
Well if you have a lot of money in your wallet it sure is.

Any ways my birthday is also coming up and i am confused as to what to do i do have a lot of people to invite but every one has different wants. I hope i get something kool and usable from any of my friends this year. A zippo lighter is on my mind i just need inception.

I hope things start to pick some pace and things start to go my way and i change a little may be start studying a little more. That would help at least for now.

Unplugged

2010-07-28T09:45:00.000-07:00

School has started its been about more than two weeks everything is boring. Back to scratch. Nothing unusual. Stuff i mostly did recently included :
completing all and yet only 3 seasons of big bang theory!
Two and a half seasons of two and a half men.
wasting time. Not studying and not even plying guitar mostly just idling away time. I do not even know what to write about since its not a free world any more stuff i can can be read by people who can get offended.

School's boring so are tuition. There is our freshers coming up on Saturday i don't as such wanna go but i got to know some got possibilities and reasons to go. There was even this party we had on attari's b'day it was awesome. quite a scene. And a rock show also occurred recently sound sucked so did the crowd and the crowd response.

I feel more like a squeezed lemon or and orange lifeless and waiting waiting for something to happen something, some one, some how helping me out of such loneliness and boredom.

I am desperately waiting to see inception and once i see it ill write something about it. All ive heard about it is that it is really nice and an awesome movie.

Life is short yet boring!
and we make it that way.

Road Trip Pics 4

2010-06-29T01:50:00.000-07:00

Road Trip pics 3

2010-06-29T01:47:00.000-07:00

2010-06-29T01:35:00.000-07:00

Road Trip Pics 2

2010-06-29T01:32:00.000-07:00

Road Trip Pics 1

2010-06-29T01:28:00.000-07:00

Road Trip

2010-06-29T00:30:00.000-07:00

I came back from my epic trip a few days back. It was amazing i learned some new things.

1. As you go higher uphills away from punjab the more the awesome people are there.
2. Camping is not as easy as it seems you need balls for that.
3. You get irritated by the people around you if you get too much of them.
4. You can never compare manali with the place i went to. The last stop being chitkul amazing place.
5. Shimla sucks now since its too hot there, though narkanda a lil far from there is amazing its cool there and the hills are beautiful.

Our first stop was at this place called thangdi some 10 Kms away from rampur which is like 55 to 60 kms away from narkanda. The place was terrible. It was hot and humid there even though there was a river besides us. The first day was tiring we climbed some hills even that one which we went to while going to solan last time again. We even marked our initials on that tombstone thing this time. I hope when we go again may be after a year or some time we could see it.

We even made a friend while going trekking his name was abhimanyu :P some group of people were trekking along with us on the same hills as we were.

So the first stop we took a hotel. It was a decent hotel. Though the food was horrible. The gave us chicken which tasted like lamb. In the evening around 7 we went out for a walk and the city was like dead after 10. nothing opened at all. We went back wasted time and started talking about ghosts god and stuff. We switched off the lights and had our torches on.

The next day first stop was shangla valley where we met this sardar who told us to go till chitkul how right he was. We went downhill there towards the river it was beautiful and the water was very cold. We even like umm had kind of a bath in it and then we were numb.

We went back up had some food and left for chitkul around 3 i guess we reached the place around 6 or 7 and wasted some time finding the camping site. We went downhill towards the river as we entered chitkul and then there was this umm jhoola(a kind of thing the villagers have build in which u can sit and pull yourself to cross the river.) so we came back up took our stuff and headed back down.

We asked this one lady villager to help us learn how to use it. It was pretty easy karan did it. Then we paid them some more money to get us some firewood.

We went to the other side with our stuff and crossed the river. We sit up our tents started a fir sat down and it was dark we were scared at that time but not as much. Then after some time we started to get hungry when we realized that we had forgotten the paper plates and forks and stuff. Plus sam was getting too scared and he wanted to go back and check in a hotel. So sam mayank and dhruv went back dhruv and mayank going to get the stuff we had forgotten to in pitch darkness they went back crossed the river and went uphill me and karan stayed back.

We were becoming very hungry so we made some maggie on the fire which we ate from our hands only and saved some for mayank and dhruv since we thought they'd be very hungry when they came back. So when they came back they told us that the driver was drunk. Most of us were pissed.

Any ways so around 12 or something i guess sam thought of checking on us he was in a hotel so he came a little down from the opposite side of the hill to see if our fire was still there or not. Mayank and dhruv saw a torch flash once but nothing more. We signals were jammed there since we were only like around 30 km's away from the tibet border. So communication was a problem. We only saw the torch once and then it went away. We all got scared. Since we did not know it was sam and got to know later.

Karan and i though that what if something like solan would happen that the villagers might come pissed with sticks and all so we packed everything threw what we did not need and around 12 30 went back crossed the river went back uphill in the village found the hotel sam was in and went there.

The people there was soo awesome and friendly they even gave us the kitchen to make food :P

So we had something to eat wasted time talked about random stuff sam telling us stories about seliqui his IB boarding school, and mayank about the time when he was in sanar. and then we slept the other say we woke up packed out stuff had a little walk here and there in chitkul to grasp the beauty of the place and around 10 or 11 we headed back. we did not stop much on our way back since it was a long journey most of us were sleeping most of the way.

we planned to spend the night at shimla since it had been long since sam had some night life :P so we reached shimla around 7 30 found a decent hotel checked in and went to the mall road around 9 i guess.

We wasted time there till 12 i think and then came back. We got bored in the hotel wasting time and stuff so me mayank sam and karan went outside till the bus stand to buy some coke chips and stuff we were scared but there were many more people who were also going there. We originally planned to go to the graveyard but since we did not know the way we did not. So went there wasted time had something to eat and drink and came back around 3 wasted time. Sam entertained us by coping people for some time. The driver, me karan, kundu , ob and himself how we would b 10 years from now. It was around 4 30 wen we ran out of topics and went to sleep woke up arond 8 i guess. me and mayank and we woke every one else too. We checked out and packed r stuff and headed back home.

Back to the same old polluted boring life.

The Beautiful valleys of Chitkul

2010-06-27T10:45:00.000-07:00

Holidays.

2010-06-17T11:30:00.000-07:00

Who ever said holidays are truly holidays should meet me. I have been soo bored these holidays with mostly nothing to do all day. Though i have an outing a day but somehow that does not satisfy me. As in going till the nearby sector for a plate of momo's how exciting? aint it. Coming back from Delhi life is back to normal and boring here now.

My friends are planning a trip uphills somewhere near jalori which is 120 kilo meter's from Shimla i guess. We are even gonna try camping if we succeed we'd stay in tents but if we dont we'll find a place to stay in for the night.

I am too excited but i dont think my parents would allow me. This is sad. It was gonna be one hell of an epic trip. I wish i get allowed i only have tomorrow to make mum and dad agree. Because if i dont i would miss on a lot one hell of a life experience.

Any ways so these holidays have been pretty boring i have been watching a lot of movies recently. I saw the new Doors movie strange days, many of edward nortan's movies and some of brad pitt. But anyways the movies being on the top of my list would be:

a clockwork orange
seven
The illusionist
Catch me if you can
The number 23
Motorcycle diaries
Requiem for a dream
Red Dragon

Apart from these i even saw the lord of the rings trilogy. Pretty decent series.

Life.

2010-06-13T14:24:00.000-07:00

It some times amazes me how life can b so cruel to some one and so nice to other. The poor, The rich, The sad, The happy and so on. Life is more of a curse to almost every one that a blessing. Most of us must have had tried or thought to kill ourselves once in our life. But we dont. why?

Because were afraid. We do not know what lies after death. Who knows that there is a place more horrid than this here. I do not know and may be no one will ever know we have faint hints traces of what might happen. Heaven or hell and all. I do not believe in that. Once you'r dead you'r dead. But that's just me.

You are leaving this world. I dont know what happens but you do die and there is nothing after that. Life is hard on some easy for others normal for most people but every one has a story of their own to hate life. To die.

But my point here is do you give up so easily. Do u leave behind everything when there is pain and enjoy living, have fun when you have the time of your life singing happy songs in happy times?

Do u give up, are you a loser, can you not fight back. Can't you show every one that you have what it takes to make it. well if not, You deserve to die.

Homecoming

2010-05-31T08:30:00.000-07:00

I just came back from Delhi today. It was an awesome place. I learned quite a lot of things during the journey.
1. All Delhites smoke classic milds don't know why
2. If you have a monopoly ur the king!
3. Investing in shares is a good option.
4. I do not like chandigarh at all.

After coming back, i dont know why i was soo pissed and irritated. It was more like now i am back to the same old boring life. Even without internet delhi seemed interesting. The scene at delhi is really nice. I really liked the place.

The gig was amazing. The people were friendly and every one looked almost similar, especially girls.

We were not allowed for the gig at first since it was at a bar and minors weren't allowed. But we stayed outside Cafe Morrison for almost 2 hours and then we got in finally. :D

The gig was awesome Undying Inc. kicked ass even though i could not hear the vocals properly. It was still worth going. The mosh pits were a new experience since the place was closed and it was jam packed.

Holocaust was also good but i did not like the first band. I dont even remember their name. Travelling in the merto was fun even a lil boring. Even though we did not make full use of the metro like i did in mumbai the travelling part was still good. One thing i did not like was that the autos do not use the meteres in delhi unlike in mumbai.

Eating here and there at kool eating joints all three meals a day was good. Delhi is awesome if you have money in your pocket. So is every other metro city in India.

I even make quite interesting plans in delhi just for fun. So now what i want to do using some knowledge i gained in delhi would be. Start investing in shares studying about them. Make some profit. Invest that money. Multiply that money and then keep waiting till its enough so that i could open up a music cafe here in chandigarh.

Since the music scene here is not that good and there is demand growing slowly and steadily by the time i open the cafe the scene would be awesome. So ill start making some money from there also moreover since it would may be the only good music cafe around ill b having a monopoly. So ill start investing more money start one or two more cafe's or something according to the demand.

And then ill start making real profits which i will start saving and now the big plan comes i will make a customized city of my own. The way i like it not all of it though i will have to obey basic laws and stuff. Since india is still a developing country this should not be that hard.

Ps - yea i know i'm awesome....

Black Dahlia

2010-05-27T13:12:00.000-07:00

It's 2 in the morning i am sitting in my grand parents room. They are out of station. My cousins are over 2 of them here adding to the no. is my bro and another cousin who lives with us. Were all sitting in that room on of them is sleeping. Rest are playing cards. I am here looking stupid to them typing this.

I was supposed to go to delhi today. I did ask permission from my parents mum said yes, but she thought i was talking about next month. Mum and dad suspect that i am into bad stuff and all okay may be i am. Still i want to go to delhi. I am sick of this place. I dont know why i hate Chandigarh soo much.

I wish they allow me mum and dad would be talking about sending me or not as i type this i hope it is a yes. I do not know what all i would be doing there but i know it would be more fun than here.

I am sick of that girl i like here. I heard she got a new bf. It's not confirmed aasaf told me that she told him i guess. I still never realise how does she get a new bf sooo fast. moreover what was the problem in me. Why was i not compatible. I really liked her but now i dont even a bit, and yes she is a LOSER.

So any ways i would be going to delhi with mihir if I go there. It should be fun. I hope I can go. Pray for me!

confusion!

2010-05-16T13:19:00.000-07:00

welll.... after almost a month we toked she said hey to me online it was quite an awkward chat she wants to be friends again. I do not know why. I want to know. I asked her but all she said was that she never had a problem talking to me i had. So its okay with her wanting to be friends.

The thing that makes me wonder is that we had an agreement not to talk and we did not for almost a month. I wish i never knew her. Life would have had been soo much simpler.

Just as i started to forget her and not give a damn about her she pops up wanting to be friends! I do not know why. Why is is that i do not know much always about anything.May be she wants me back may be she loves playing with me or may be she just regards me as a very important friend in her life.

This is all very confusing.... to still talk to her or not. Lets see what happens at school today.

Fight Club

2010-05-06T11:37:00.000-07:00

Fights are good, really i really like fighting, but only friendly fights with friends just for fun. It is an awesome method to get all of the anger and rage trapped inside you. Once you are done you feel good, does not matter if you won or lost, hit more or got beaten up. Its just for the feel.

You feel good. You have a good night sleep. You feel in power. Its something that should be done at least once a week. Its something you cant describe, it is more of a feeling of accomplishment.

I really wanna fight someone right one and then chill with that friend!

Sundays!!

2010-05-02T10:17:00.000-07:00

I don't know why but i hate Sundays. Don't we all? There is like almost nothing at all to do on a typical Sunday all you can do is lie down on your bed waste time. Every time i try to plan something awesome for a Sunday it gets cancelled or turns out to be awful.

I practically did nothing today. Waste time all day long i though did go to johns with friends but arrived when almost every one left since i was too busy wasting time lying down in my bed in the AC and zoning out. I do that i lot. I need to stop doing that.

Any ways as i was saying usually every Sunday of my life going boring since we have nothing to do and mostly parents are at home so they prefer not stepping a foot out of their home.

All i want is a perfect Sunday wen i am ummm kind of busy all day and have something to do, hang out with friends watch some movie, go fr lunch anything kool which is more than 5 hours will do. :P

Some things that you would like to do on a Sunday with friends:

1. Hang out at kool or secret places have beer.

2. Grab a few drinks watch a movie at some one's place.

3. Gather every one and play video games or may be some sport if every one is in a good mood.

4. Gather every one, Bring in some drinks and have a discussion talk about old times.

5. Go to some eating joint or something every one meets up and talks about their week and how it was.

The Sun Rises in The North

2010-05-02T02:34:00.000-07:00

hmmm..... ummmm..... i am bored seriously i have nothing to do. I have been listening to some good music lately. I got a new laptop. A dell studio 14. I am happy. I still have nothing to do. All i do all day is watch how i met you'r mother.

It's legen ..... wait for it... dary!

I do not have anything to do life is soo boring and mostly a waste.!! i do not even have anything interesting or kool to talk about here.

Suicide??

2010-04-22T09:24:00.000-07:00

I wanted to write this post some time back but since i do nto have a PC or an internet connection i had to wait.

So any ways the idea of this post is more or less like an exercise i wanted to write about dying. If i die as soon as i finish this post what all would be in it.

Any ways so life as for me had been good. It has had many ups many downs. I have a lot of things in mind wchih i could have had done before i die. Like Free fall from an aeroplane, Camping into the wild, playing my own telecaster with a good set up, making my parents proud of something i did. A lot of things coming and going through my head randomly.

Life has been a fairly tale i have more or less had every thing i wanted a lot. I have had lived not much but at least enough to have some stories of my own. I might not have had found love but i have made friends which would go with me a long way. I might not have had been a genius but i surely have swayed a lot of minds.

I do not know what will happen once i finish this and i die. But i do know that may be the place i go from here would be a little more happy away from society and its problems.

Okay, so i did not get that one girl i liked. So what ive had soo many other liking me i did the same with them, this is what i deserved i think. I did not make any such enemies, most of them whom i had fights with turned out to become very good friends.

Life has been great to me, I have lived to the fullest enjoyed every bit of it, explored every possibility of happiness in my reach and found the freedom a man needs through music. I have experienced nature, pain, rage, fury, happiness, pride, joy, love, care effection and most of the emotions which a man should encounter. I have lived life to the fullest and i am happy with what all i did till date.

I do not have fear to die. I feel somewhat similar to an eagle or a free bird in the sky who does not have any thing on his mind no fear of food, kids or anything.

Life as i have seen is tragic with some, cruel with others, nice to some and may be i fall under the good category, life has been good to me.

But the only thing that pinches me is that i dont seen to see any purpose here as in my presence here did not effect others well may be a bit but not as in i brought about a change or a revolution.

I wish some one gets inspired by reading this and does something with their life and does not waste it like i have. I wanted to do something but all i could think of was of myself which was may be childish and foolish. All i cared about was my own personal lives i really did not care about others a little may be not much though. All i did was try to make my self a little more happy each moment and collect memories of joy and happiness. I have only one regret that i could not change the scene otherwise ive i have lived a happy life. Lastly i am very happy that i am leaving this place now.

Lets see who makes it!

2010-04-16T12:27:00.000-07:00

Okay so i think i am being a little too regular on this blog these days. May be because you are reading this may be i just need to have an outflow of emotions and thoughts too much these days. I write everything here that i dont have the courage to speak up when in front of you may be because i am too chicken or may be due to the fear of loosing you as a friend.

But you know i love you! i am kool being friends but i kind of cant see you with other guys. It kills me from inside. Its like some one is constantly stabbing me from behind, i am having my last breaths and will die any moment.

I think of you 24/7 and want you more than any thing in this world.

I always think that now is the time i should move on, now it's time i should give up since you are obviously not interested in me. I should think about the bigger picture in life. But all i want to do is paint that ceiling.

The thing that gives me double thoughts everything i think of not talking to you giving up on you is related someway to this quote.

“Don't ever give up on something or someone that you can't go a full day without thinking about.”

I dont think i can ever give up i have reached the point of no return i am addicted to you and cant make it anywhere without you.

I have serious doubts about even seing life without you. I dont know what will be of me without you. Its just as if you complete me, and when i am with you i am not lost into my own world because i am in another world with you.

Even though i say i can live without you and that i guess we should not be friends. Every minute of me not talking to you killed me.

I dont know if ill make it or not but i do hope that you make it!

On and off Relationships?!?!

2010-04-15T11:01:00.000-07:00

You know i never really seem to understand guys and girls liking each other, are in a relationship. Have a fight break up. Then make up. Its like an on and off switch. The point here is how can you let some one go whom you love so dearly, and even if you do it must be for mutual benefit or some reason good for both of them.

I always fail to understand why they have break ups and make ups again and again i know this girl who has had like a break up with the same guy 12 times or something and they are going out again.

Obviously if you love some one you would never let them go and there is always that mutual understanding. If not then well i guess you are just passing time.

Any ways so speaking of on and off relationships, they are only there in my opinion because one of the two guy or the girl does not value the other person as an individual the way he/she is and is there just for the heck of it. They don't value or love each others as individuals. Love is something far away from all this. It has understanding, it has mutual consent, it involves everything beautiful about life!

Nice guys finish last with women ??

2010-04-13T09:12:00.000-07:00

I came across this really good article on the internet. May be even you guys would like it and if your a girl please dont get offended. :P ?(i sooo am a nice guy :/)

When asked what she wants in a man, a woman will often say, “I just want a nice guy...someone who cares and who listens” but she will then do the OPPOSITE and date a bad boy, a jerk...or a guy who doesn't treat her well. What's going on there?!
Are women LYING when they claim to want a 'nice' guy? No. When a woman says, "I just want a nice guy" she really does mean it. However, most guys confuse 'nice guy' with being really, really nice to a woman...and that's where the problems begin and why nice guys finish last with women.
You see, when a woman refers to a nice guy she is NOT referring to a guy who:

Is nervous around women.

Is shy in social situations.

Is intimidated by women and feels like he needs to impress them.

Doesn't know what to say to women (usually linked into trying to impress women).

Is too nice to women, like he would be to his grandmother.

Calls women too often, not allowing them to miss him.

Tells women that he has 'feelings' for them too early.

Behaves submissively or weakly around women.

Tends to accepts a woman's demands, just so she will spend time with him or continue talking to him.

Becomes a 'doormat' for women and puts his own needs aside.

Listens to all of woman's problems and discusses them in the way her girlfriends would.

Gives away his power to women, and allows women to become the 'boss'.

Always seems to ask women what they want to do, instead of being a man and taking the lead.

FACT: When used in combination, those things KILL the attraction that women feel for you. So what are women referring to when they talk about a 'nice guy'? It means a guy who:

Is confident around women.

Is confident around other guys.

Knows how to flirt.

Knows how to behave like a 'challenge'.

Takes on the masculine role in an interaction, on a date or in a relationship.

Respects women and enjoys their company, but also gives plenty of time and attention to his life and what he's achieving/trying to achieve.

Uses humor in an attractive way.

Confidently makes conversation in an interesting way with women.

If you can relate to the nice guy traits mentioned above, then today is the day to stop making those mistakes...and begin transforming yourself into the man that every woman is desperately looking for.

Nice guys finish last with women because they don't spark attraction. You can still be a nice guy to women, but you need to know how to attract women and allow them to feel the sexually-desirable emotions they are looking for when interacting with a man.

I always fail to understand why everything i do makes me a loser i can sooo relate to this. But i am still happy the way i am and will swing things my way no matter what ! :P

"Just Friends"

2010-04-12T10:54:00.000-07:00

This is such a common term i have heard from her soo many times. I just dint realize until i saw this movie yesterday. It had the same loser kind of guy same loser kind of story. My kind of stuff!

Boy likes girl girl not like boy cry. Boy with another hot girl other girl feels importance come back buy dont want her back but want other hot girl she want him too.

But this is too simple and plain to be a part of life! i mean seriously life isnt a movie. We all are raised up to believe that one day we will become movie god's, rock stars, get the girl and life happily ever after but we wont. We are slowly and steadily learning that yes we are progressing. May be we could call this evolution we have started to think in place to following just what we hear and see around us. After all the media and everything we hear or see is controlled. what we need to do is see listen understand think about it.

Any ways were getting too off topic so there is this part in the movie in which the other hot girl realizes that she is in love with the loser when she THINKS that eveything she like to do with sum 1 its that loser only.

Weather she is bored she wants entertainment or anything else or just sum 1 to talk to. I dont think mine is the same case she might feel the same way might not i am way too a loser/chicken to ask her.

Some time before the end the original hot girl when realizes that she likes the loser thinks how bad it was when she din't realize how special and awesome the loser is. I hope something like that happens with me someday since i dont want the other hot girl.

What ever it is in the end something good happens with him (the loser) which i dont expect since life isnt a movie or a fairy tale and never goes according to plan no matter how hard you try especially if you are me.

Learning this I understood that never plan stuff let the chips fall where they may !

Life is too much of a lie than the truth the way you see it on the big screen or read it in the books or newspapers. Life is more of a curse full of problems and misunderstandings and mostly we live a lie.

Just like me like i have been living one since all most the last one year. Thinking that one day she would like me and life would be better. One day will come when she will realize my importance, and may be we could be a little more than "just friends".

I dont get the point of being "just friends" when the other person knows its killing you from inside being friends and still caring for each other not wanting to loose each other.(even though that is a way better option) plus if u care so much about the other person letting them go is a better option and still wanting to be friends is more like a planned murder.

PS - if you are reading this i will admit it that i have thought about you, how you are, what you are doing, why dont we get along, why just friends why i love you, why i cant seem to see myself without you, far more times than i have cursed you have had second thoughts about you or forgot you. The simple truth is i love you and i just cant seem to do anything to get over you!

Hmph..

2010-04-09T09:47:00.000-07:00

Well, today was quite an eventful day! i had school same old boring school. I get back home change fast go to tuition after tuition i have another one. So i get free around 5.

my friend drops me in 21 since i had to take some books from a senior but she was sleeping. So i go back home. I reach home around 6 tell mum i am going for gym and leave towards KFC with sudhanshu and avi where i had called mihir also.

While at KFC karan called me i invited him also. He came din have a zinger dropped us all back and we both then go to namrata's place.

okay so after that i go to CCD in sec 19 where Girl A, Girl B and sum of dere frnds were waiting fr me. We were low on budget so we went to have momos in sec 18. hanged out with both of them for some time in 18 only(Girl B and Girl A).

During that time Guy1 saw me with them (Girl B's ex who had even called me earlier to stay away from Girl B but what can i do if i am friends with her not my fault i consider her more of as an older sister).

After some time this guy alone at a bike comes and asks me to come with him since Guy 1 wanted to talk to me both of the girls din't let me go. He called me Girl B took the phone and asked kya hai and all so he was like come meet me in the park.

I was getting late i dint want to go but Girl A and B took me. Girl B said dont worry i am with u. So i go there and he comes dashing towards me Girl B stops him he gets a lil slow and comes towards me and says i called u and told u to stay away. i say i came to meet Girl A. Girl B shouts something behind Guy 1 gets mad he slaps me Girl A takes me away from all of them and Girl B starts to lecture Guy 1.

I get really pissed Girl A tries to calm me down. Girl B still shouting at him.

Any ways the point was not that i got slapped and i dint retaliate the point and the question to think about is that

is it fair to be going out with such a guy and then calling ur self a decent girl and not like the others.

I mean come on i am just friends with her why does that kill you. You cant respect a woman and u call ur self a guy. Moreover the girl is going out with a guy who does not respect a girl what she thinks and does not give her the space she needs.

So if you call your self a decent girl who is not like others why cant u like dont date any one or even if u want to why dont you try and find some one decent just like you! some one who respects you for who you are and does not try to make you according to how he likes you some one who gives you your space which you need as a girl. some one who does not mind you having guy friends some one who trusts in you that you wont cheat on him and would be with him forever.

I'm back at School again

2010-04-04T14:33:00.000-07:00

its 3 in the morning i cant sleep. Listening to music. I have school today. I hate this. Why school, why only me, okay well may be every one but umm i dont have mihir with me well all die of torture there without him.

I hardy have any friends there at least none with whom i can share my musical enthusiasm with. I dont know lets go tomorrow and see whats the scene. I even have it a little awkward with my "girl" friends there since i dont get along em as well since i dont think they are worth it.

"You've played your games long enough now its my turn to speak!" - The Superfuzz

Still i have my friends from johns at least some of them.

I hate to say it but i'm back at school again.

Wen ever i think about life i wish of a meteor collision or something that would kill this suffering since i am a sucker to do it myself. If not for my parents and some select friends i'd b dead right now.

Life seems like to much a burden for a 16 year old in my case. They say its a tough time right now once u study get a job marry its all good. But i cant see anything good with my parents they are never happy.

Money to key problem to all problems which i dont have mostly! does that mean i have no problems?? or does that make things more worse. Is it soo hard to lead a normal life. Is it so hard to be happy?

There are soo many unanswered questions but the one which haunts me the most is :

"Where is our revolution?"

Since we need change, and "no change comes without revolution." - The Beatles

The world is one nasty place full of politics and mean people including me mostly but at times like now when i think and stop listening pointlessly to whatever i hear. I think is this really what we all want some of us do want it but seriously KILL US ALL THEN??

You might think of me as a freak but i am only typing what ever is coming to my heard and there is my point why do i need to care what you think about me. Why do i care soo much about stuff that should not bother me and why does stuff which should bother me like my future and stuff does not.

Well may be its time to move on. Its time to adapt or Its time not to give a fuck about what you think or what you would say.

To conclude i would like to say i have school today i cant sleep it's 3.30 and i am getting a feeling that today would be good.

Insomnia

2010-03-30T14:34:00.000-07:00

Seems as if insomnia is going to kill me. I dont know whats happening i just cant seem to sleep at all. The max i sleep i like for sum 5 hours. Whatever i do i just cant sleep before 4 in the morning. This is killing me.

Moreover since exams are over i haven;t found any tuitions and school hasn't started i kind of have nothing to do at all all day long i waste tym and kill my self second by second. I assure u the feeling is not good.

I wish i was more productive and din't waste time and used it for something constructive. Quit still winning about that one girl i like and find some one else. Quit fooling around and get more serious about life. I just don't know what'll become of me where am i heading what will be my future what will make me happy what will be the turning factor what might help me what might destroy me.

For now i am heading towards everything that kills or destroys me! i know it but i am not proud of it even though i want to reach out towards the sun's rays of positivity even though i want to do so much with this life given to me i am wasting it all. I wish i were a better human being i wish i were helping others and not being sooo selfish thinking about myself all the time i wish i could make a person a day smile i wish i could touch some ones's life make him/her go on the right path make them realize the value of life and how to use it properly.

I cant do any of this since i myself aint following what i preach i only sound like a hypocrite to myself now i don't even know why am i typing all of this. May b random thoughts may b to get lighter may b because i am bored.

Sometimes i feel that there is tooo much in this small brain of mine or may b sometimes i feel as if it is all empty. I just want to lead a normal life. I dont know why don;t i like to keep my room neat why i dont like to keep things at their place why i like everything messy i dont know why i dont know anything i dont know life.

May be some day ill gain enlightenment and may be when i find it ill spread it around to my brothers and friends and family. I just want to know the purpose of life is it really about being happy if yes then why teh money mindedness and society pressure and if no then what if life all about getting real?? getting closer to reality? or wat?

Getting high thats when you are closer to reality you accept whats going on and stop making scenarios in my head about whats happening around and what could happen.

May be someday ill be happy with my life perfectly! till then its all just an illusion.

Poseurs!

2010-03-23T14:14:00.000-07:00

i met one today was toking to her online. A girl who likes hip hop and admire guitar at the same time. WTF!!....

I really cant take this was thinking of lecturing her educating her and stuff and then i thought itll b a waste :P

i really hate people who dont appreciate good music.

all they seem to like are bands like back street boys and seem to get over the guitar phase really soon and dont go far with the guitar.

they only start learning since they think its cool. why cant you be like okay yes i like hip hop fuck u. people like these are the ones deterioratingthe rock scene :/

SJOBA Rally!

2010-03-21T15:08:00.000-07:00

Amazing place amazing people amazing fun. I was a marshal at the sjoba rally today was teh third and final day. we left from chandigarh around 12 and reached our check point around 2 amazing place called bhojnagar.

The scenery and the view in the way was amazing. I wish i cud go trekking there. Did work wrote timings and all at my position.

everything was finished around 6 reached sahil bhaiya's place around 8 got freshed reached johns did sum work picked up boxes put them here and there.

Went to max sir's place there was a party there amazing party. Probably the best party ive ever attended at some ones place.

In all amazing experience amazing people fun loving joking and stuff had an amazing time.

Into the Wild

2010-03-17T12:36:00.000-07:00

I was in the jungles most of the time. Me and my friends went on a trip to solan which is around 2 hours away from here(Chandigarh). We were mostly trekking on mountains (mostly me and karan ob also).

It was an amazing experience with wild being in no sight of technology cars roads or anything fr hours. Every where you could see you could see trees big ones and the sun setting also. The scenery was amazing.

The trek we had while going was the best one which was around for some 4 hours on just a random mountain we just stopped the car and started climbing.

We came back exhausted had the time of our life and reached just in time when the sun was setting. We went back to the flat in Solan then and waited for the rest to chow up since they were at another friends resort. they all came we wasted some time and then went again for trekking during the night around 10 on the mountain behind the flat.

we had reached quite high we had no hopes of getting down safely and felt as if we were stuck on the place we were sitting once we were at quite some height karan started howling and some others also made noises we were 5. Wasted time. called people just to say that we might die thanks to karan. Every one had to call a girl each.

Around 11.30 we saw villagers from above come with sticks and torches they were real pissed at us even hit 2 of us. and pushed up and forced us to go back. the hill that took 30 mins of hard trekking to reach there took only 5 mins to reach down. we ol were mostly bruised since we came down mostly falling. We came back talked about this wasted time had dinner wasted time and slept around 6 am.

Next day while going back we had to climb another mountain but a friends parents were mad at him so we sent one car back saying yea were also coming behind you back to chandigarh where as we asked the driver to stop and up the hill we went.

This one was also good though we din't go much high since we were afraid of monkey this time all around us staring at us as if we were gonna kill them and they gonna attack us.

Still we were there for around 2 hours had good time went up went down the climbing experiences and the near death experiences in this trip were amazing. And i am proud of my bruises.

Indigo Children

2010-03-17T12:22:00.000-07:00

Indigo Children Live @ CCA Punjab engineering College

The set list
1. 4 times and once after
2. Sing to me
3. irresistible
4. Standing too far
5. Some song i don't know
6. No ordinary love(slade cover)

As far as i remember this was the set list and it was an amazing psychedelic experience and could have had been better if high. Don't know how some of the people din't like them.

The tones were amazing the bass lines were great. Drums were good and the guitar playing was crazy especially with the delay effects and harmonizing effects and all good vocals also. An amazing 3 piece band able to create amazing music.

The sound could have had been a little better overall for the band since from what i remember people say that the monitors were not good for the band.

It was a great high energy performance and would have had been definitely the best gig ive ever attended after porcupine tree. The psychedelic jam's in between songs was amazing.

PS- the crowd sucked and din't know what was going on. I wish the scene and the audience increases.

English!

2010-03-11T12:03:00.001-08:00

I have my english exam today its 2 in the morning i am not asleep i have an exam in some hours i should be asleep. Insomnia is bad i dont like this i want to sleep but at the same time i dont want to sleep.

I have never ever in my life seen a person more confused than i am. Life is just soo complicated full of problems and tragedies and i am only 16 who knows what will happen once i am older.

I hope i pass with good marks i hope i do well.

Good bye for now.

wasted Life

2010-03-08T03:44:00.000-08:00

I sit here typing this blog speaking about how life is unfair what all i could not accomplish what all i could but din't. What all i like what all i dislike. But i don't seem to get the brighter picture that this is just virtual and i am living a lie. The actual life is happening somewhere else.

As my friends study to make their future i sit here typing this blog. I worry that why don't i worry i worry that how some new song from some new band effects me so much but not my studies. I worry that why do i have my math exam tomorrow and i started preparing for it today and not before when i had the time.

I worry that why do i do everything at the last moment and take everything casually. I bet i would fail tomorrow and then they wont let e have math as an additional subject fr class 12th which i want so that i could go to Delhi. Why aint i selfish about my own future why???

I just hope that this life does not go to waste!

Woah!

2010-03-05T13:55:00.000-08:00

Everything seems to be slow, everything seems to torture, life has lost its colors lost its joy. I wish i were a kid again since broken toys were better off than broken hearts. I am a guy am me winning about some bitch ain't fair.

I feel inhuman and my senses fr joy have almost died the little laugh and fun i have is to show people that i am alright, i wish i was, i wish i will. I have a smile on my face but am still a little sad within and have started to hate everything and myself by again indulging more into bad activities.

But anyhow i am still very excited fr the indigo children concert in Chandigarh on the 14th. I bet it would be amazing. After all they are my favorite Indian band with an amazing lead like Sanchal and a bass player like Nikhil Rufus its one helluva band.

I hope to see anhad there it wud be his first gig he would be going to. I am so proud of him! i feel sad for him sometimes that he has never been to a rock show. (i went to mumbai to see porcupine tree)

Even though we dont have a very good rock scene here in Chandigarh still we manage a gig or two per month. Many big bands don't come the best band ive seen here was Motherjane. Being the best band in all of asia they still got fucked up sound. Moreover there is a lot of problem finding sponsors here.

I wish that the scene here would soon change. But as they say no change comes without a revolution and a revolution is what it would take here since there is hardly any target audience for good rock music. (some people who actually would find bands like linkin park crap!)

Dead Gods of Rock,
Please help us, Please help the scene, help us kick some ass! and yea if you don't mind kind of could you help me in my personal life also? :P

Sleep and fun Debit marks Credit

2010-03-01T13:41:00.000-08:00

I have been wasting a lot of time lately. I have my Final accounts exam today and i am trying to study, I dont know anything its 3 in the morning i am fucked up i have wasted all year long around a girl who does not care about me.

I wish all of this never happened but since now it has who cares. I am trying to get over all of it. May be all of this is for the good. One thing is good for sure even if i get 10 marks in accounts i pass. :P

i wish it were sum other subject english eco anything. I kind of dont like accounts right now.
:/

I just hope i get decent respectable marks. So that mum and dad become happy.

Wish me luck BYE FOR NOW!

Where is my Mind?

2010-02-28T11:18:00.000-08:00

I can't seem to get it all together. Any one reading my Blog must find me as the most fucked up person he would have had ever known! I can't seem to concentrate on my studies at all i have my finals from tom. and i dont know a single thing fr my first accounts paper.

I still cant get over that one grl whom ive loved fr sooo long and she said no to me. I still dont know why i love her so much. Why do i care so much about others and not myself. All i care about myself if that i help others remain happy.

I cant believe that sum ones pain hurts me more than my own my own fear of life does not bother me at all no tension about studies wat i want to become nothing all i care is that grl and ppl around me to be happy at which i fail every time.

HIgh FlY DIE

2010-02-06T11:57:00.000-08:00

I AM QUITE HIGH RIGHT NOW .... PLZ EXCUSE ME FOR MY WEird grammer and weird caps lock combinATion right now. i feel like puking right now

i am good not as bad as the winter ball but quite bad

i had a fight with this guy param i am still bleeding haramzada

how dare he say johns fudu

ma ki lan saale ki ma behan na ek kar de haram ke pilae ki

i dont know wats wrong with me why am i crying as far as i remember boys rnt supposed to cry ....

dont know weather its the fact that i had a fight or that the grl i loved with all my heart said no to me

srsly i loved he more than myself

i just used to find an excuse to tok to her i liked her sooo much i srsly loved her

dont know mereme kya kami thi

i just hope i improve sum day
and stop crying

srsly dayumm i shud hav had not joined vivek :/

this was like the worst step ever

and i was right in thinking that i shud have had not gone to the party
:/

i mean srsly she has a bf he is more good looking and rich thab me why wud she ever ever like me

who am i

no 1

i am no one she dosent like me neither does johns
:/

i am gonna cry again
:/
:'(

this is fucking unfair

if god ur up there "fuck YOU!!!"

i know u dont exist if u did humans wud never be soo sad if u were dere ppl wud never b happy

u give explainations of previous birth and while ppl dont remember wat they did in this birth u want to punish than in the previous one!!!

huh wat kind of justice is this i hate this

u suck i hate u

ur gay

u noe wat i know if ur dere u olso hate me tahts why u dont want anything right fr me

i just wish i was back again in johns little me again from KG till class 10 :) :'(

with all those teachers dearest to y heat who made me who i am

vivek is getting on my nerves and it sucks i hate it dere
e3ach and every day is a punishment dere

SAVE ME!!!!!!

Weird Post

2010-02-03T01:46:00.000-08:00

As usual i am feeling very very weird its such a feeling i hate a feeling like having no life at all. Situations like this one want me to get high and chill. I really dont know how to describe my feelings somewhat depression mixed with rage and anger. sadness with lifelessness. I wish something helps me out!

Get high, Fly, Die!

2010-01-29T19:33:00.000-08:00

I was at my first Winter Ball yesterday and it was amazing. Hats off to the guys who helped organizing it. Only flaw was that the bar was too crowded and around 1 it had become almost finished.

We got high took care of each other had the time of our lives and ate food. More importantly we met soo many of our batch mates and seniors. It felt good to see all of them after so long and mostly every one was there.

There was even a rock show organised there, we sung our school anthem with them in the last with PRIDE. It was definitely one of the best nights of my life.

Proud to be a Johnian!

Rage

2010-01-26T07:28:00.000-08:00

There is this strange feeling i have been getting since the past few days, theres something that prevents me from laughing something that stops me from smiling something that makes me angry. Might be my rejection from that girl i like might be from that website for which i wanted to write. Might be my fury for God (if he's out there somewhere).

I have started to hate life, i prefer living a lie or a dream rather than facing reality. The only way by which i face reality is by getting high which these days has become one of my many weakness.

Getting high helps me chill down, get closer to reality and face my problems head on and say a big fuck you to them. I don't even care about my friends anymore have been quite rude to many of them lately. I just want to be left alone any social interaction depresses me or makes me want to take out of of my frustration on them.

I still hope to change change to be better of change to be Happy!

Love, Hate & Poseurs

2010-01-22T00:18:00.000-08:00

So its official she does not like me! the very fact makes me have goosebumps. I still like her people say i should move on i think i should die. I mean seriously! Life is full of hardships, depression, study, peer pressure, proving yourself and what not and guess what "i'm just 16". I hate this world, i hate reality i hate life. Sucks big time.

So hate combined with rage would be what i would be feeling right now. just in the mood of destroying something beautiful. Which i am doing but is to my own body. God if your there i got to admit you made on heck of a system for the human body. But i also got to admit that if you are there up there somewhere spying on me looking what all i am doing and what not, your getting on my nerves making me feel that you dont like me and in all possibilities you HATE me.

Poseurs also play an important role in love(that is if it exits) they tend to steal away your girl with fake looks expensive gifts and money to throw around. May be she does not like me because one of those poseurs may be i'm an asshole may be i'm just too good for her.

She was the first girl i ever loved and may be the last one. I've given up on love i hate to admit it but may be the most reasonable and basic possibility would be that i am a loser. I crib too much i cry and don't act. I am a retard. I am an ass.

I have wasted my life till now and still being wasted i have no idea thats its going in which direction. I feel such a waste good for nothing. I am nothing nothing at all not good at academics sports co curricular's not even at the guitar i am not THAT awesome :/ i feel i am here just to waste my life and go back from where i came to this hell. I just wish my life finds direction.

Afraid to..

2010-01-15T04:51:00.000-08:00

As i look upon my life trying to take control become a ruler of my own thoughts, and fail i look at myself. How easily i get scared by any and everything. How easily i come to conclusions without trying. How easily i give up without taking part.

In this "FREE" world i remain a slave afraid to raise my voice against what i don't like afraid to say what i need to for my own sake and good. Afraid to be heard and questioned, afraid to be overlooked, afraid to become just another average sucker.

Seems as if i am living on fear and choking on freedom and thought process and rebellion. I don't have the strength to live the way i am or the way i want to its hardly that i speak up about whats right in front of any authority.

I worry to much about consequences and results and still don't take appropriate actions towards the. Seems like my, life my soul have no reason here in this world.

I always think too much of whats not needed think of being afraid to speak up just because they("THE AUTHORITY") would leave that point and catch hold of me some way or the other and blame it all on me. Asking me to look at my self first.

Thats how it has always been with parents, friends, relatives and even at school. why cant i shout out loud "fuck authority, i don't care anymore" its just that i do i care about law and order i care about the system but its fucking wrong and some one has to speak up(sadly its not me).

I fear rejection, i fear depression, i fear indulging into bad activities, i fear loosing hope, i fear the end, i fear giving up, i fear being dead without making some change, i fear not being remember as some one good but an ass, i fucking fear too much!

I don't know what to do with all this rage anger and emotion inside me i just cant properly channelize all of it into something positive. The best right now i could do i hit some one hard on the jaw just to take out all of this. There is nothing positive about it and i need to head towards the positive direction.

Hence Proved!

2010-01-14T09:06:00.001-08:00

The recent time has been quite weird, i have been told by many of my friend that i have been changing some say you are better now some say you are this some say that. My parents keep on comparing me with other. Frankly i don't give a fuck anymore. All this led to was me becoming a mixture of every ones expectations.

I lost my self somewhere within me which i have to search and would probably be the hardest task. I am sick and tired of proving myself to people. It had been the most fucked up part of my life. Changing my self for others seemed like an attractive option, but whatever i do doesn't seem to affect any one. There is something or the other missing in me.

Well i am happy the way i am and don't want to be some image of me in front of you anymore.

"Change is inevitable and good." The fuck was wrong with me. i had to change for my own good not others and make my self suffer in misery.

These changes have made the real me choke constantly and yet again killed the kid inside me. Its so unfair i don't get to be a kid when my mental level is that of one. I have to live according to the world so that i have friends so that i am socially active.

Well, i don't want friends anymore who don't like me the way i am. I Wont and cant afford to change for them. Yes, i may be different! Yes, i may be weird.

"You laugh at me because i'm different, I laugh at you because your all the same" - Kurt Cobain.

I may not be making sense to you but i am making sense to myself which is what i like to be me to live how i like to be free to live my life. I don't want to be like some math problem solution which have incorrect statement and the correct answer with a "Hence proved!"

All i ask for is to live my life my way and not to give a fuck about any one who doesn't like it that way.

PS- I am gig starved :/ the last band i saw Live was zero and theres soon gonna be a a gig on 21st "yo! man Fudge man" a review about that gig also yet to come.

Teh Scene!

2010-01-09T11:21:00.000-08:00

Mumbai sure did affect my studies, i'm failing in 3 out of my 5 subjects at present including Accounts, Business and English. As i sit here typing this cursing my heater fr not working in this cold! i wonder why my mum did not scream the hell out of me today neither did dad, in fact i didn't even speak to dad once today.

There are others also like me who got destroyed without having the awesome fun i had. I feel sad for them. Some good friends of mine also failed including aasaf, i even got to hear that aarushi started crying during the PTM. (cool eh? :P)

Luckily i dint go to attend the PTM with mum and dad though i sent them i was at shivam's place studying math. When i reached back i got to know about the horrifying LIES :P the teacher told my parents.

But mum is cool since i have started studying now (a bit at least i can proudly say that today wasn't a total waste). Hitesha failed in all subject while tiny passed in all.

I feel sorry for her (hitesha) she has the same case as mine not given the tests reason being absent and getting a zero on the whole subject. Sadly no aggregate was taken per subject if had would have had saved me and some more. I did not submit the medical for my absence (though i was in mumbai :P) so i got 0 in most tests which i missed same with her (at least thats what she says).

Education

2010-01-08T07:11:00.000-08:00

I was having an interesting conversation with a friend of mine about education, even though we all hate it and is a burden to all of us still is is a vital and important part of our lives it makes us who we are. Makes all the difference between me and you 10 years from now. Makes me the person i am makes you the one you are.

Talking of education i remember some lines from the movie "School of Rock", "people who can't do teach and people who cant teach teach PE" which is quite right especially in my opinion. So people who cant do something themselves are teaching us how to that something and are getting paid for that! how cool is the system we have? :P

I keep on wondering (especially since i am not the brightest at my studies) is this education necessary why do we study how does it make me superior to you if i have a higher percentage.

I feel very awkward talking to friends of mine who have been scoring higher than me and consider themselves to be better than me. Why is this so? May be because they know or feel that 10 years down the line they would be better off than me, Or may be they think that they are just too cool for low scoring people like me.

Education is vital no doubt but the system has to be changed. It has to be more broad with more subjects with the students to take whatever they are interested in so that they are not limited to that one stream which they hold on to in India.

There need to be many changes in the system (so that people like me don't get crushed and finish last in the race). There should be more opportunities for creative people to step out of school start something of their own and earn an living out of that by something they are good at.

Living a Lie

2010-01-03T10:14:00.000-08:00

I just came back from my so called trip to Mumbai i was there for around 10 days in which i fell in love with the city. Porcupine tree was just amazingly brilliant and zero live @ HRC the following day was also fun. Spending some time there made me feel as if i was always living there. i Didn't make any new friends but the city surely became one of my closest.

Since my cousins(i stayed at they're place there) were mostly busy i had to explore the city on my own and mostly i was there all by my self. Even though i loved roaming here and there freely in the city listening to songs on my Ipod i hated being called a weirdo for roaming here and there alone in such a big and awesome city.

The place was just magical i have no words to describe it. There was something about the city something wonderful. I even met that girl i liked from school there in Mumbai. Seriously you can only call our so called coincident meeting magic and thats what that place is all about.

Recently a lot of stuff has happened i got to know that she has a boyfriend so i did not tell her how i felt sadly it was her birthday on which i got to know about him and i became sad and all.

But Mumbai helped me get back on my legs become strong and confident. it was an amazing experience. Our meeting by coincidence might be just another indication by the city to tell her what i feel for her.

I want to tell her but i am afraid afraid of loosing her even as a friend as now we are quite good friends. so my conclusion would be of not telling her and enjoying our friendship. :)

Love is so Lame

2009-12-05T11:20:00.000-08:00

Love is like an epidemic not leaving any one killing every one and becoming the problem of all major causes.

You cant live with love and you cant live without love. i have been in love with this girl from school since the past 4-5 months. I had an attraction for her since day two at school.

She was either absent or not in my view of sight on that first sad day due to the fear of ragging. She is the most beautiful girl I've ever come across and i am so addicted talking to her right now. I have been giving her a lot of attention recently and which is why she has started to take me for granted.

My love is not reciprocated from her side which is ruining my life i have been sad and indulging in bad activities.

I feel as if she has been using me for money for something she wants or something she needs to get done.

but anyways i don't know why i am so badly in love with her there is something very unique about her something i cant even describe.

I don't have the guts to tell her what i really feel about her. I have been also indulging into sad deep songs and music. I don't know what to do about it but i think i am going to tell her now no matter what whenever we meet next the max that can happen is that shell ask me to stay away from her which would in turn make my life more happier.

Truth

2009-10-03T05:42:00.000-07:00

Now i can finally proudly say that my new school sucks, a school which does not value the truth is of no use and can never create happy successful students. I was a part of this company program of which i was kicked out since i did not attend the last meeting. I was unwell thats y i was unable to attend the last meeting but apparently the teacher says that he saw me and i was FIT. i was in a bad condition he might have had seen some one else whom he confused with me thats what i told him but he called me a liar.

why would i lie of all the people why me. i had even got my marks cut in business and eco half yearly i had got more than what i deserved so i got my marks cut. Am i a fool to get my marks cut when i got more? NO i am not because i have a conscience which hurts me whenever i do something bad.

The worst part is that Aasaf was also with me he had also not attended class he lied by saying that his nose was bleeding and he believed him. This sucks sir is an asshole and i have no respect left for him now.

One thing is for sure i will at least try my best to make him realize that i was telling the truth and that he was wrong. I don't know about him but think how bad i would have been feeling that Aasaf got in by telling a lame lie and whereas i got kicked out of the company for having a genuine reason.

He says i am not serious about the company i am not serious about anything in life i don't know what's gonna happen with me i have no direction. He says that when he saw me i was walking perfectly alright i don't walk like that even when i am alright. If any one sees me from a distance walking towards him hell say that i must not be well.

I don't know today has left me confused weather to continue with truth or to become a liar like every one else which is bad but i want to be good. But still in this ear of so called humanity TRUTH has lost its place and valu.

How to Save a Life?

2009-09-18T09:54:00.000-07:00

i don't seem to realize where did i go wrong a friend of mine has changed completely. My new school has got on his nerves. All the attention and popularity he is getting is getting to his head.

He says that the new school is better than the old one. NO WAY!!! old school was home it was heaven it was the place to be. He might not have had such an awesome time at old school but 11 years 6 years in his case in the same institution that too the best institution of North India he should have had been attached to that place like i am.

He says that he should have had been in this new school from the beginning only. But he doesn't understand that in that case he would have had been someone completely different. He loves new school because of the crowd THE NEW STUDENTS if he would have had been an old student he would have had not gotten all that attention.

Plus he would have had not known me so he would have had not been in my friends group due to which he loves new school so much i don't understand it.

In that case he would have had been like just another average crappy OLD STUDENT who didn't give a fuck about new ones and hated them. Its all wrong i don't know what to do with him i dont wanna fight him anymore he is my bestie :(

To each his own that i am kool with but he has even started to give more attention to girls than his old friends whom he knew since the last 6 years. (we were in a boys school)

Girls can break the best est of friendships :(

MORAL: GIRLS SUCK

Avada Kedavra

2009-09-05T00:35:00.000-07:00

I feel as if some part of me has died and would never come back to me. The feeling of emptiness has taken over me and depression is my new drug.

The loneliness is spreading and my heart is dying my mind is about to explode. I would have had experienced a mental breakdown for sure yesterday if it hadn't been for my guitar.

Flash backs of all bad things in life happened to me by me or around me kept slapping me on the face and i had nothing to do about it but to cry.

People are dying they don't have food to eat and i waste food. People kill in the name of money and i don't think its has much value it's just a paper and thus i tend to loose most of it every time. Either it gets stolen or i misplace it.

It's importance for me does hold good but its loss doesn't bother me that much i was sad but not that much. Some one would eat food or buy something he really wanted with the money he stole.

Bad human traits and memory kept flashing in front of me and i kept on crying. this world has become such a bad place. I really don't know why my soul choose to come to this planet or may be it was forced.

I don't think that i have a greater role towards the world with my life or that i have a destiny to change the world. But to change the thoughts and thinking process of the people is a must i want to help but i cant.

Being mentally handicapped has its advantages and disadvantages also.

Your more sensitive plus you are not bad like others.

I don't know what i'm witting about i am very confused and full of emotions and trying to use this as an outlet to kill my pain agony and anger. I hope things will change may be well become more human may be we'll not live this shame.

Why so Serious??

2009-09-03T07:27:00.000-07:00

I went to a party today, it sucked :P but i liked it a little bit as they had a lot of pepsi there :D

My friend stopped breathing for a second there nd we all rushed out with him so that he could get some fresh air. Everybody rushed out so check if he was okay. Luckily it was nothing major.

The party was so boring that we started prank calling. It was fun actually it was the only good part of the party rest was excrutiatingly boring. :P

During that time i had a panic attack i rushed to the washroom. No one cared to see what was going on and why where was i going. No one even asked me where i had gone or what had happened every one was soo happy and involved in the prank calls.

I don't know why i am feeling so sad even though its not that important an issue. Friends Friends everywhere but true friends are no where. may be they all rushed because he awesome, may be because he smart or whatever.

I don't want to care but something inside me is rebelling against me tearing my soul apart asking for love which i don't think i deserve or i would ever get.

Pretty Faces

2009-09-02T04:57:00.000-07:00

In the dawn of the the 21st century face value has a far greater importance than how a person is from the inside, how good or evil he is. I was standing with some friends today and another one came and joined us he had some money he asked 2 of the 3 girls if they wanted coffee and kind of ignored the third one.

May be he dosent like her very much, may be he's crushing on those two or may be he didn't want to waste money because she wasn't that good looking.

Things like this may seem small but they sometimes actually hurt. i felt bad that he didn't ask her think how bad she would have had felt. :(

people should not judge a person by the face but by awesome they are. In my opinion even though one of the two pretty girls is very beautiful she is pretty vacant and DUMB.(and a little selfish :P)

I'm so Punk...NOT

2009-08-30T07:02:00.000-07:00

I did go to the rock show. The gig was awesome even though the sound sucked. The on stage energy of all bands was awesome. We even had mosh pits during Clarion and GOD. Moreover the EP is kick ass it's called revenge of the shit.

It has 7 songs all are less than 3 minutes and are awesome. The performance by them was also kick ass and very tight considering the fact that they were preforming without and practice they had last jammed like 2 months back.

I got hurt during the mosh pit and my friends specks got broken BUT it was worth it and awesome.

I reached back home at 11 and played the EP the final mixes of the songs are very good. The track listing is:

1. beere (beat it parody)
2. disco fever
3. govt. sucks my balls
4. right now
5. chinese song
6. placebo
7. I'm so punk...NOT

Death Eaters

2009-08-29T04:34:00.000-07:00

It seems to me that this world is so full of mean people ready to kill each other. Money has made people blind and their greed controls their actions.

i had a thousand rupees stolen today from my room, i don't have any one particular to blame but i feel sad. May be the person who stole it would have had needed it more than i needed it. I was saving money to buy a new pedal a BOSS DS1 for my guitar.

This world has become a bad place where u cannot trust any 1 :( and people wud even kill you for money or their own profit.

A Denial

2009-08-28T09:55:00.001-07:00

School seems to be a series of mistakes for me. Nothing happens the way i want it to happen. I had my PTM today and it was fucked up. My math teacher praised me a lot and now most probably i wont be able to go for the rock show today and my guitar and PC would be taken away form me.

1 thing left with me would be my ipod which also they would take away once my examinations start.

It seems that i don't get anything i want and god like to see my misery. May be i am a bad person so i don't deserve anything. May be i am just another stupid ass who was born to suicide or may b i am the chosen 1 and god (if theres 1) wants me to come out of dirt and shine like a star. The system needs to be set right. Education is fucking with the minds of the youth and parents are dying to get their children fucked and become nerds.

I wish some day when we grow up we can help set the system right and bring a change. Parents are so concerned about their child's future that they even tend to forget that the child is only human and can do only little. Moreover is they are so concerned about the future and whats going to happen why are they not millionaires.

They don't want us to end up like them but why do they forget that we are their children only and have a limited capacity just like they did when they were schooling.

Stupid Math

2009-08-28T08:34:00.000-07:00

i have my parent teacher meeting tomorrow and i am failing in math. My math teacher hates me i hate math. i don't understand the point of torturing student with lame trigonometric problems which cannot help us in any way in life.

I mean how would it affect you in your job scene if you knew that sin square theta + cos square theta = 1.

Trigonometry and many other chapters in math do not have any meaning and are of no use to us mostly. Moreover parental pressure helps bring the best out of every kid.

i wish i was as awesome at math as some of my friends were but i am not and looking at them i feel that i'd rather not. It's something lame and of mostly no use. It's just yet another method to make our lives miserable and our minds smaller.