Secret place.

Thumbprint of the moon, as my seniors called it or secret place as I named it, this place has been important for many of us. It has been one of those places where I sulked alone in apathy, sit down and pondered over shit or had a nice time with my friends while enjoying the breeze and the nature around me.

I never thought once before introducing some one to this place. No one ever got disappointed. The place shaped us and made us the people we are today be it good or bad, does not really matter. It was a perfect escape from reality and the feeling you get when leaving the place is somewhat similar to the feeling when you ask for the cheque, exit the bar and you're like FUCK I'M BACK TO THE REAL WORLD, when you see every one busy with their lives, you see so many people around you that you don't know and don't really give a shit about. Time stood still at this very place when you were there.

The occasional cop investigation and questioning was a buzzkill,"What are you doing here?" "Do your parents know you're here?" "You are not allowed here, there have been murders here" but what can we do? We do live in a free world.

I still remember cycling randomly 5 years ago when this very place caught my eye. It like that point in life for me when the dark side comes knocking at my door with a very tempting offer, and I took it. I do not regret it.

The place might look beautiful and all but it does have a dark side. It is pretty and dark actually. It relieves you from your pretentious lives. That might sound like a good thing for many but whats more gay than the pretentious life one does live.

I might sound ambivalent here right now but this is what is the actual beauty of the place. The mixed emotions. This place is a perfect battle field for the two sides of the force.

The Smile That Killed Me.

The smile that killed me,
Died a thousand deaths.
The smile that kills me,
Cries in silence.
The smile acts as a mask;
To a list of incidents,
That made her frown.
It hides her tears
and helps me overcome my fears.
The smile that kills me,
Cries in silence.
I wanted to make her laugh
But that made her cry.
The smile that killed me,
Lived a thousand lives.
Dying each night inside,
Resurrected the morning next.
The smile that killed me never lies;
Tells a story of tears with joy.

I Drink!

I drink; I remember
I remember; I drink
I drink; I forget
I forget, I pretend
I reminisce the past
Dread the present
and romanticize about the future
Hope keeps burning,
I try to call, the fire brigade
But the fire is out of control.
I drink; I remember
I remember; I drink
I drink; I forget
I forget, I pretend
But hope keeps burning.

Being happy?

Just like the proud owner and creator of Being Human, the title to this post is as lame as it could get. But people still like it, well him in this case, Salman Khan. Even though all of his movies recently have been more or less retarded, and that's the effect they are having on the young minds of the country, making them more retarded. Making them think that some bulky bad boy act is going to let them lock the deal with the queen of their dreams whom they would not even actually respect but in most cases just want to wear like an ornament to show off to their friends. Well Similar is the case with the heading to the blog real lame, but people might still like it, since it brings out a philosophical side of life.

As much as I would like to believe in happy endings and one actually truly being happy, that does not exist. It is just a figment of our imagination, it is the way we perceive things. We can never actually know that if we are happy or not because, we usually never know that the reason that is keeping us happy might just be a placebo.

One might be happy, he or she might be on the 9th cloud, he or she might be really happy together but one never knows weather or not the other person keeping that smile on your face is dying or not inside, and as much as you would want to let them go to be free and be happy, this part of you cannot let go because they just made you too happy. You shall out of your own fucking selfish reasons go out there be a total douche and asshole and try to be happy, the reason why I say try and not be is because one can only try, try to find another placebo.

I feel that happiness is a myth and cannot be real since it is a placebo generated by someone or something, but as you would know if a placebo can work out to heal the sick so can it make one think he or she are happy. It's all in the head. It's all comforted by the placebo. Which is what brings me to the age old conflict of people asking smokers and drinkers to stop. All these things also act like a placebo, they make us happy, they make things more pretty, may be just for a little while, which is why they are discriminated against. People don't like placebo's that can kill you and neither do they like a placebo when they know it is one and that its going to pass away. But non the less they are also a placebo just like the thing which truly makes you happy.

I would not like to imply that I am right and you are wrong, may be I am, may be I a not. Could be a terrible tragedy. Imagine a person living his life with a set of rules which he thinks are right and should be followed by everyone. Imagine having so much faith in those beliefs that, you do think that every one else is an idiot who cannot understand your way of life and that the one's who do are saved. Imagine one day just realizing that all of what you thought was totally wrong. That would kind of suck now wouldn't it?

But none the less pain is an illusion, happiness is a placebo, life is a ride.

"The World is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it's real, because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round, and it has thrills and chills and is very brightly colored, and it's very loud. And it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they've begun to question, 'Is this real, or is this just a ride?', and other people have remembered, and they've come back to us and they say 'Hey, don't worry. Don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride.' and we KILL THOSE PEOPLE."

-Bill Hicks

Great Indian fat stupid family.

Hmm first of all writing here after such a long long time somehow feels weird, so any ways umm fuck you. Second I would love to mention about my experience with this encounter of mine with a family from Surat, on the train in which I was travelling back to Bombay. The family Consisted of 4 people the husband, wife and 2 kids. One girl, the elder one and one boy the small one. The girl seemed around 5 years old and the boy around a year and a half. The boy I remember because the fat wife did mention it, even though no one else in the train was interested to heard about his irritating little brat of a kid.

Even I did not mind her bragging about how awesome his brat was since well, mothers do tend to do that no matter how lame their kid it. What really pissed me off was that there were 4 of these guys and they only had one fucking seat reserved. Such a great fucking inconvenience they were to every one else. The best part being they had occupied this other seat right next to them that is the mom and both kids were sharing 2 seats and the husband god knows was where. So at the Ambala station the guy who's seat it was came on board, the fat lady asked her "seat no. 34?" this is the seat on which she was sitting. To this the guy replies "Yeah" and she just ignores him and he sat on another seat, sharing the seat with another guy.

And as if all this fucking adjusting was not enough her fucking kids just kept on crying almost throughout the entire journey. Worst part being was that the kids were not scared of any of the parents. Usually the kid is supposed to fear at least one parent which brings in balance of mischief and good behavior. But no we are going to pamper the little son of a bitch since he is a boy and on top of that he is fair and ignore the girl child. At so many instances I noticed the parents giving more attention to the boy and ignoring the girl.

Ignoring the girl also seems to make her somewhat of an attention craver. Well at least she seemed like one to me, and the boy kid was just pampered the fuck out. He would cry and cry and cry if he did not get anything and keep on crying. On top of that none of the parents are able to make him quiet.

Worst part I noticed that the fat wife herself was mentally a kid, at least I thought so by the way she was talking to her kids. On an argument with her daughter she told her "Keep quiet or ill choke you" or as she originally said it in hindi being "chup kar ja varna gala ghot dongi mai."

I know being a kid mentally is all cool and shit, I mean its cool but one needs to know where to draw the line and especially with kids man. You are their environment and they do what they see. The boy was barely one and a half years old he did not know his mom, dad's or sister's name but he did know in what situations to reply back to them saying "KUTTA" in order to convey that he was pissed of at them and things were not going his way.

But all in all even though I was very happy when they got off at Surat and the journey from Surat till Bombay was peaceful, I was more happy about some other people I met on the train on of them being a member of SJOBA and one who was a journalist and worked with the economic times. Nice guys they were.

What may be?

Its around 4 30 in the morning and I cant sleep, I have my result in a few hours. My class 12 board result. I am scared the fuck out. The next few years of my life and getting out from chandigarh all depends on my result. I dont even remember how my exams went and all these weird feelings are killing me. I would have had wrote this somewhere else but I dont have a pen. All I want is to get in a college out of chandigarh a decent one so that I can get out of here and well at least here in india I cant be like I dont give a fuck.

I am all tensed up thinking what will happen. While others were dreaming of DU and studying attending tuitions I was busy bunking, wasting time, smoking and all. I dont regret any of that it was all in good fun but if I dont make it I would regret not putting in the required effort during the exams.

My mom just woke up to open the doors in the next room and I had to pretend that I was sleeping I am sick and tired of all this also here. I need to get away. I cant get stuck here in dav 10 or something.

I dont want to be a disappointment I dont want to go all I fucked up my boards and all I dont want to drop a year. I dont know anything. I just realized I use soo many donts in my blogs. This is weird. Hope for the best I do save me?

Stupid Math!

I remember my first blog post to be about math, and well I am here yet again cribbing about math like after almost a year and a half. I have my board exam for math in a few hours and I am pretty sure I'm going to fail.

But It's weird how every one else keeps on telling me that I will do well. I know I will fail unless I cheat. That is also If I cheat a lot.

Initially yesterday evening I was freaking out, but somehow now I don't seem to care. But yea I do hope I pass. I still don't see any point to math, well yea we all should have basic math till class 10th but after that every one who wants to go for commerce or arts or med should not have math.

I only took math because of the 4% advantage my seniors told me about. It's a weird education system I tell you. I think only students who want to be engineers or may be a physicist should have math.

Moreover there should be no discrimination amongst students who have math and who don't. We all know math is not every one's cup of tea some one else may be good at computers.

Another thing I do not understand Is that why don't colleges add computers or physical education in the top 4, they are subjects too some one worked really hard and may be got a 97 so why let that go to waste. I know It's easier in comparison to math but then either decrease the level of math or increase the level of the other subjects that you don't want to count.

It is possible now that there is some one who sucks at math but Is a genius at computer programing or loves sports and knows all rules and everything and even comes first in races and all. Why let all that go to waste. For physical you need to work all year long also keep your stamina, physical fitness etc, kind of similar for computers you need to learn soo many codes need to know what command does what and well computer students actually create something while learning while math students are busy finding "X" which wont get them far as for now, while the computer application If amazing can also be sold.

Moreover all final work is done on computers especially for commerce students, well most of it so computers should be preferred and physical education students well would have more stamina to do more work may be. I do not have that much an idea for physical education since I have computers myself.

I just hope I get into a good college in Mumbai, nothing else I want.